BREATHE.
I told him last night. I told him it doesn’t seem right. I told him it seemed that he doesn’t know what he wants. I told him it wasn’t working and I need a week off from him.
I know I wasn’t being overdramatic last night. It’s a week past ‘that time of the month’ so I knew I was off the hormonal surge.
Funny how it seemed easier than I thought it would be. I’m just quite glad it finally came out of my mouth. I guess it finally hit me. I gave him a chance to prove himself… but it’s just not it. It’s just not it. No matter how much I tried, it’s just not it. He’s not the one.
On the phone last night:
Apol: So… Are you okay?
Bungi: Yeah. *giggles* Are you okay?
Apol: No.
*Dead air*
Bungi: You should get some rest now. You have to get up early tomorrow.
Apol: I know.
Bungi: Alright, good night pol. I love you.
Apol: Good night, Ngi.
I put down the phone feeling quite good thinking, “It feels really good to not say things that I really don’t mean anymore.” It feels good not to pretend. It feels good not to lie.
I woke up today feeling refreshed and happy. Really happy. For some reason, I can breathe.
I hope I’ll get a clearer head this weekend when we get to talk face to face. I hope I get to have the strength to not have anyone again. I hope he won’t do things sweet or he’ll make it harder for me.
